Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
