just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
