dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
