You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
