So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I checked into jail on foursquare
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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