we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
