I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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