Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
