He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
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