I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
