I'm sorry my penis didn't work
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
