So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
