she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
