I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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