cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
