I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
