More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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