and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
