I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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