Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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