man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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