a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
