I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Randomize
