i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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