it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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