dude i'm inner monologue high
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
