I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
