I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
