You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
