That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
