Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Randomize
