literally had 100 drinks last night.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
