He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
