i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
