Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
birth control should be required to get into college
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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