You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
