New low: just hacked my moms facebook
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i've created a new STD.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
