Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Houston, we have a squirter
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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