just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
