I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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