she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
