Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
