i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
