WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
