I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
