period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
