Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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