Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize