I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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