I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
