Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
