Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
