I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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