there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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