if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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