i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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