the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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