I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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