if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
