I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
