YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
