Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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