Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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