Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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