we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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