I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize
