The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
