literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize