Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
