Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize